Sunday, May 22, 2016

JUST SAYING NO....BULLIES and BOUNDARIES

Here is a great article that has a great audio portion you can listen to at the top of the page by Sue Bohlin, she is talking about setting Boundaries with family members and such, which works well for any relationship. 
The Great audio is at the top of the page- click here. 
Lots of great godly wisdom. I got a lot out of her words...
Anyone struggling with family and even families where there are controlling and manipulative people. If you grew up thinking like me, I thought it was wrong to say no to anyone no matter what. That even meant I actually didn't even think I could say "no!" or report anyone who bullied me. Needless to say, the first incident that hit my heart first (that I remember first) was about in grade one...my good friend (or so I thought), and I were leaning against the hallway wall and suddenly she shoved me and down I plopped, straight to the floor! I looked up at her with great pain and shock inside, but didn't say a word. When she stated to our teacher, "Anita fell!" My mouth still stayed shut, and I absorbed the inner wound and it kind of set in motion the next few decades of how I would deal with bullies and those who like to try to control others.
As the next few years carried on, I must say eventually, the fear increased so much I began telling my Mom who'd report it to the principal. Sadly, no one said anything to me about it not being my fault, there are lots of crazy incidents between then and then, but all that time I did believe I must deserve it.
Not Deserved
Bullying those who appear "different" than the "norm," is tragically common in the school system. If you are bullied or have a child living with a disability of any type, please make sure they know that they never deserve to be bullied, that the one bullying has the problems and to report it right away to someone they trust. It can leave deep false beliefs inside your heart.
I spent my teen and early adult years, letting others "do" things to me that were not right, because I was too scared of being rejected. Never thinking I could say no. My fear of rejection and displeasing others, lead to a life of compromise and truly believing I had NO choice to say "no," or draw a boundary line. Turns out that was not true. Glad I know now!!

Also Here's a video by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, who co-wrote the BOUNDARIES book that I really enjoyed.